| (no subject) |
[Jan. 18th, 2007|06:40 pm] |
I've decided:I dont want to move backwards i dont want to rewrite anything. Either we move foreward or we just freeze. Freezings actually pretty damn appealing right about now. Freeze and crystalize every moment. savour the sweet, cringe at the sour and spit out the bad like a rotten seed and make them smile on the sidewalk beneath you. I've got no burdens. Really, honestly. I have none. I've got eyes that are always wishing they were panoramic and could scan everything at once, ive got a brain (fried as it may be)and ive got a heart that i trust with all my gut and not the other way around. And yet i bitch and i whine and i close my eyes to find a train of incoherent thoughts and worries speeding by me leading me to insomnia. And you, you carry the weight of the world on your skinny shoulders and you dance. It's beautiful,really.
We're all in dire need of a good laugh. But im not too amused with my melting moments. |
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| A haircut wont silence me |
[Dec. 10th, 2006|03:33 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | accomplished | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Vultures- John Mayer | ] |
it's not that i dont feel the need to write anymore, because i do. everytime i see something funny, something cute, something romantic, something i hate or wish i had; my hand itches to write it down...but then i snuggle up with my little green book and i start thinking...do i need to write this down? should i actually write it down? is it really that important and when i look back will i actually want to remember this? it's true ladies and gentlemen...i've begun to even edit my memories.
you can only hold out for so long, you can only keep things in your mind for a little while. And then the blurting begins. You see a woman at Starbucks and ramble out the weather, you yell at everyone and you speak just for the sake of speaking again and you screaaam to make up for lost time. I want to scream damnit so im gonna scream. I will scream at little frightened children learning to swim and i will feel no remorse. I will scream at the old woman who is always standing around my street staring me down as i walk home. I'll scream at people i love and people i hate so dont take it to heart: it's just so i know i still have my voice. I wanna live fast and live slow and drink cosmos in uncomfortable chairs and meet my friends for breakfast and be carrie bradshaw. oh, and i want to slap teachers in the face. Im speaking and im speaking the words i want to speak whether i want to remember them or not. And then a simple smirk (its not really that simple) threatens to leave me speechless..im forcing the words out, im remembering every bit, im not editing my memories any more. I'm writing again. |
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| and i'm never coming down. |
[Oct. 1st, 2006|07:31 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hopeful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | hey love- matt york | ] |
we're speeding by so fast it scares me; look out your window now! and soak up everything you see because give it a second and it'll be gone. and thats the way my world keeps turning now and im scrambling,scrmbling and trying to get everything and everyone to just stand still, just for a moment. i want to be able to tell you secrets forever, to confuse you forever, to scare you with a face that scares me and make you laugh when i dont intend to and i want to smile like i am right now for the rest of my life. i want to pick up everyone in overbearing armfuls and carry them with me wherever i go. i want to be constantly sneaking out and sneaking in, drinking not so innocently from coffee mugs in cars i dont recognize forever, and running around barbed wire fences with my real mother and father (dont ever tell me im not yours!) and never doubting the steps i take. i want to stand still in all of this. i want to stand still in the moment with your mouth full of crackers smiling and i wanna freeze..rewind and freeze and play and freeze and play and play and play. but then again i'm moving like there's no tomorrow. i want everything, fuck it im a selfish son of a bitch and im proud of it...im a mooch for this life:) i want to move foreward to a place; to that appealing far away place thats impossible to get into (but you're all still in my arms) i want to move foreward to a place where it's just me and you and then i want to just stand still. stand still and freeze. soak up everything.
won't you just stand a while with me? |
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| Like A Handprint On My Heart |
[Sep. 16th, 2006|04:44 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | grateful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Slide- GooGoo Dolls | ] |
for 3 days i lived in and out of flashbacks. Flashbacks of the first time i met each person and how much theyve grown and how much i've grown. We're older...we're wiser(?) But the hearts the same. The people i fell in love with way back i am still falling in love with, the friendships i've made ill treasure forever and the chances we took i still stand by. You've given me a hell of a lot of memories and because of those i love you and because i love you i thank you.
Here's to the 4 years filled with sunrises and sunsets, muffins, dirty socks, dancing friends, sexy back, eagles nest, war paint, blow up hyde, cigar smoke, burnt marshmellows, campfires, the rock, new and broken benches, cereal in hot chocolate, boardwalks, pen arguments, the stupid tally, rain, summercircle, fighting and (winning?), tears, i never, hugs, sleeptalkers and walkers, all nighters, jackets, zodiac discussions,drums,tackles, smiles and laughter and indescribable beauty. Saying goodbye and not being afraid to steal a last look back.
Here's to the 4 years in which i found my family. I love you i thank you and baby it ain't over. |
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| It's all the same you know |
[Sep. 1st, 2006|11:25 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | happy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Billy - James Blunt | ] |
she's got a smile on her face and a great taste on her lips and they've been fixed there since the day she said goodbye. sweet sweet sweet summer and she smiled and laughed and crazied her way through. each day filled to the limit with jokes she doesnt get, mountains to secretly climb, lifeguards to blatantly stare at and her nights have been dizzy(?) with cars to sleep in, people to laugh with, and stillettos to sneak out in. she's got you pumped yet confused but shes willing and eager and saving the world one cup of lemon tea at a time. screw the tv show, screw the published book shes got a catch line and she'll be damned if it doesnt take her through the year.
Goodbyes aren't always such a bad thing you know....
Hello's are even better. |
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| CIAAOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! |
[Aug. 5th, 2006|01:39 am] |
tonitgh was gooooood.
tomorow i will feele liken shit.
but i love you alll and i sey hello to briaanna! welcome back! i love you! i send my love from CAL FRIGGEN GARY!
ill be back soon, promise
please dont forget me while im gone, and try to stay safe and i will fed ex back some cowboys, or soemthing... whatever...thanks natalie!!<333
cheers. |
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| room 557 |
[Jul. 23rd, 2006|10:55 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | amused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Chili Peppers- Snow | ] |
summer school is not taking over my life. summer school is nooottt taaking over my life.
what is taking up my life ( and very beautifuly so) are earl gray tea-if its too much milk i will just throw it out tal so you might as well drink it, friends who might as well live with me, dreams of becoming a pirate, watching pirates repeatedly, the many adventures of kelso and fez and the astro van, the incredible feeling of not giving a shit, dinner and drinks with a t.a who made my life, and the type of dreams that you wake up from thinking, damnit kiran...for once just keep dreaming.
BAM! |
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| SUMMMMERRRRR!!!! |
[Jun. 26th, 2006|03:38 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | ecstatic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | animal bar- chili peppers | ] |
it may have come 3 days later for me then the rest of you but MY SUMMER HAS OFFICIALLY BEGUN. if i have learned anything this year it is that i will never ever EVER be an accountant. good day.
in other news..the raccoons are still in my attic, and now my yoda lightsaber sleeps beside me so i can give the roof a good wack in the middle of the night when they get too rowdy.
..........and christiano ronaldo looks beautiful, even if he's crying. and anyone who says otherwise is just jealous and should go cry in a dump (ahem nick)
goooo portugal??!! |
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| but i see you with someone with blonde hairy legs(the nice kind) and flip flops.... |
[May. 13th, 2006|11:03 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  frustrated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Arctic Monkeys- Dancing Shoes | ] |
livejournal's been incredibly lame uneventful and if it continues i will have to make the permanent switch to *gasp* ...myspace. oh it is every teens worst nightmare..the place where posting pictures is the easiest shit in the world and there is no log in log out log in log outlog ininn..
hahaha ANYWAYS.
may is officially the craziest month of all time. frustrating rehearsals, staying up till 3 am to finish certain assigments for certain teachers who should strongly consider shoving their phds up their ass! (yes she said it, shes hiding behind typed words but she said it, eff you!) a thesis, statements of purpose, balancing ledger accounts, ..most people when faced with a fuck load of work get their acts together. Kiran? She skips english for salmon salad, and friends that make her laugh and elderflower and endless john mayer. i cant decide whether i'm relieved or upset or in like or just annngrrry with you. im confused, give me a day or so to think it through then maybe ill sneak out my window and we'll pretend nothing went wrong like we usually do.
i neeeeeed new york right now. |
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| they didnt need matchmaker after all |
[Apr. 8th, 2006|11:51 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | amused | ] |
remember francis? i mentioned him a while ago...my math tutor...who im convinced has a crush on my piano teacher cause he always checks himself out in any reflection when shes around....yea him..
anyways,
theyre going to orlando together for the easter break. |
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| Hes a boy! Shes a guy! About a man! Becoming Fully Human! |
[Apr. 2nd, 2006|03:07 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crazy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The New Pornographers- Sing Me Spanish Techno | ] |
It's April and for once im not hyperventilating about the fact that time flies so... [speedy!] but coaxing it faster. the warm weather and ice cream (so... good it should be illegal!) has got me dreaming of summer and a time when ill be old enough to actually follow up on my threats to leave home. I dont need to turn around to know that someones still there. I can scream and throw a fit in shoppers and you will simply escort me out the door and wait for the wrath to end. I can worry and stress and you can put on the christmas lights in your room and demand a smile. And i will. I'll smile at the ridiculous behavior im most likely spitting out and the fact that my feet are just as good as a fucking car ok!!? And friends with cars are even better. And i'm not calming down till things start to get boring again. |
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| Dont make me go baccckkk!! |
[Mar. 19th, 2006|12:32 am] |
i dont think this feeling of confusion is ever going to stop and maybe i should just embrace the spontanious ideas rushing through my head. are? arent? indecisive? yes. My visions blurry and my head is spinning and you're laughing at what just came out of my mouth. Let's leave things like this. Lets stay content with mediocre bad guys, passing out on a new friends couch, sweet talking our way out of eveerrything and hiding from angry(no, just curious) stampedes. They've lost all trust in us; never fear..we'll get it back.
Here's to: hide and seek, wonderful pay checks, surprisingly good coffee, $3 a shot (psht), bets, famous bathrooms, wheel of fortune, horrible movie after movie, discreteness?, libraries that make my brain spin,everything else id like to remember about this week, sneaking out sneaking in sneaking out sneaking in sneaking out...
I really hope we never get bored of this. |
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| "I'll make up a test and if you pass, you're crazy too...." |
[Mar. 12th, 2006|05:44 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | crazy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Soul Meets Body-Death Cab | ] |
with weather this gorgeous..i will challenge you to feel like shit! you cant! and if you can well than i suggest you get off your ass and drink away your teenage angst. Lets wear sunglasses and roll the windows down and snake our fingers out of them into the air and pretend its spring and it'll never leave us (promise you'll never leave me). Let's toast to ridiculous nights and awkward coffee and 3am phone conversations and living in new york and redecorating and repainting and london vacations and knowing that we're going insane and agreeing to be roomates. I've got so much homework its ridiculous but i say fuck you. FUCK YOU ITS SUNNING!! nooo wayyy miss...im going outside.
here's to not having to say what i mean but you knowing it all anyways... |
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| no such thing |
[Mar. 8th, 2006|06:40 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sleepy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Simon And Garfunkle- Sound of Silence | ] |
I am sososososososososososososososSOOOOOO tired of school! One more day. One moorree day. onemoredayonemoredayonemoredayonemoredayonemoredayonemoreday!!!! This antsiness has taken control of me and i think im either gonna fall asleep on you or scream at you but either way you're ok with it so i feel no regret. March is a blur of speaking through clenched teeth, throwing chicken wings, rhyming non sensical words, hearing what i want to hear and telling you what you already knew, running into people i wish never left, and knowing (maria haha) that *whisper* "this is gonna be one of those moments..we remember...forever."
March Break is going to be beautiful. |
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| You're so cute when you're slurring your speech... |
[Feb. 25th, 2006|11:52 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  anxious | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Death Cab for Cutie- Crooked Teeth | ] |
so i dreamt of hollister last night..
february, the greatest month of all time is coming to an end...apparently i'm more mature and cynical? I'm also as confused as ever but you're falling this time; it's scary eh? Don't worry, things are so much more beautiful when they're inconsistent. And i still haven't found a dress...oh my...
So i'm getting a puppy at somepoint in the next three months and these are the list of names i put together with much help from my oh so creative (and slightly odd ) friends. Please feel free to add on
1. Neo (complements of tristan and our matrix fanatics)
2. Yoda (aren)
3. Charlie (also aren)
4. Mr. Doodles... ( i dont remember who wrote this but im guessing he was gangster cause he also wrote p diddy
5. Chewy (mine, as in Chewbacca..i like star wars shutup)
6. Rudy (also mine)
7. Sawyer (Jess Wayy...and i really like)
8. Colonial Rudy Padfoot Achillies Paw Rana the first....jessicas...not so wonderful)
9. Mr. Eko
10. Echo
11. Sean Penn...hahaha?
12. Mr. Touchstone? |
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| Watch it... |
[Feb. 15th, 2006|08:06 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sick | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Title and Registration - Death Cab | ] |
after a one month hiatus i slipped into the pool again today..shocked at how natural and normal it felt. im seventeen tomorrow, which is kinda scary but whatever. You think too hard about the hard parts and forget whats so easy. Remember the stuff ordinary people remember. dont forget to breathe. dont forget to kick. exhale, inhale. right arm, left arm sychronized with kicking (dont forget to kick). This is the first year that i feel older than i actually am. You know how people ask you how old you are and usually when you've just had a birthday you still say your previous age? Yea...not gonna happen this time. For the past month i've felt 17, 18, ocassionally 32...never sixteen. Exhale, Inhale...dont forget to kick. This time nothings taking me by surprise. I've got it all planned out. Im going to be incredibly mature and a little less sarcastic and a little more sincere. Or maybe ill just remember to kick. You know, whatever works. |
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| umm..tazo..umm tea...short? |
[Feb. 4th, 2006|02:12 pm] |
February is officially the greatest month of all time...
i dont think i've slept well since my math exam which probably explains the horrific dreams that consist morph from miss pitambir expelling me for "talking back" about the unfairness of mortgages to my tutor becoming a psycotic ninja. But when i'm awake it's a whole other story. I'm watching my incredibly vain (but beautiful so it's understandable and accepted) friends snapping pictures over arguements of which backstreet boy and spice girl wouldve looked hot together and im constantly in pain from laughing so friggen hard. I'm spending large amounts of "recap time" with a cousin who i see way to little of and i'm getting hooked on green tea and learning how to properly order a coffee (that i'll actually drink rhiana!!) at starbucks and listening to her tell me how incredibly awesome my friends are... Like i didn't already know. I'm watching my beautiful friend turn 16 and watching her beautiful boy bring her roses and meeting an old friends dad who if possible is hotter than him which sounds creepy but i really dont care cause if you saw him you'd agree. Im as confused as always but im awake and tired of dreaming.....
oh! and i've decided that before i turn 17 which is in like 2 weeks i neeeed to accomplish one thing: suck it up and sit through one scary movie..with my eyes open.
any suggestions? |
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| In your opinion... |
[Jan. 26th, 2006|01:39 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | calm | ] |
| [ | music |
| | oasis | ] |
Today i woke up refusing to worry about anything. i didn't set the alarm, yet woke up at the exact time you predicted (and with you on my mind). weird huh? all my friends are growing up (happy birthday rhiana) but the funny thing is i never rememeber them being any different or any less beautiful than they are today. i ate my breakfast outside today spelling out my name and yours with uneaten cheerios. people say they want change and for once in my life i actually agree.
you say you're thinking about a change...i have a few suggestions. |
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| Celebrity Look Alikes |
[Jan. 19th, 2006|10:15 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  energetic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | John Mayer | ] |
Lately i've become immune to the random angry outbursts of angsty teens going through whatever particular adolescent crisis comes along with exams. Maybe i should be more sympathetic, but more and more when people whine and bitch i laugh and grin. I've been sleepwalking, something i never do. I like playing matchmaker but if you try and matchmake me i swear on my undying love for sawyer i will knee you in the balls and feel no remorse. I find myself being pulled into closets with people i never talk to wanting to "ask me a question privately"
hmmm...wonder what it could be? I think maybe i should take a vow of silence..and if anyone ever wanted an answer out of me they'd have to decode my sign language which would be so vague that there'd be so many versions of the truth to keep people busy and then i could be smug and coy and keep you guessing.
We'll never get bored will we? Wonderful. |
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| I'll stay a while... |
[Jan. 14th, 2006|08:56 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | loved | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Banana Pancakes- Jack Johnson | ] |
i am completely convinced that my math tutor had the hots for my piano teacher. everytime he hears a note on the piano he cranes his neck and questions hopefully..."oh, is... is mandy here?" i then catch him catching his own reflection in any somewhat reflective surface. our kitchen cabinets. a spoon. my glasses. its pretty amusing.
just when i think im the only one spinning and the only one falling, you pull me close and tell me a secret. funny. it's the same one i've been keeping from no one but you. |
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